Two days

Well, fart. Apparently, I just got a long piece

and realized what day it is.

It’s two days until the Rapture.

Let me just go ahead and tell you – I am TOTALLY not prepared. I haven’t cleaned house, I don’t have any underpants that don’t look like I’ve had them since high school, I’ve still got dishes and laundry to do, we haven’t paid the power bill, and OH MY GOD, the bathroom looks like the bathroom of an all-male dorm. &=( (In all honesty, I try to avoid going in there as much as possible.)

I am also not signed up for post-Rapture pet care.

So, I’ve decided that I’m taking them with me. I don’t want to have to argue my way in, so I’ve come up with a plan. I’m leaving it all up to Jack.

While Peter’s arguing with those weirdos from Westboro Baptist Church, I’ll sneak behind the bushes and chuck Booboo over the fence. Then, all I have to do is just make sure Jack sees her, and we’re in like Flynn. And, Jammy will be traveling via first class pillow case, as usual.

“Braxton, party of four!”

I can’t believe I just bought a car, and here, we’re about to be raptured. Well, at least I don’t have to worry about finding a job. I’m hoping they’ll take me early, so I can find something decent, instead of playing the harp for all eternity. Puh-LEEZE.

My friend Kirby has agreed to take the little bits, if we somehow can’t all get in. Hmmm…in that case, I think I’ll see if I can either get regular day passes to come see them, or if I can just get them to hold off until my babes were gone. I have to say, Kirby might be one of the very, very few with whom I would trust them.

Ohhhhhh, that would SUUUUUUCK if I got “LEFT BEHIND!!!” starring me and Kirk Cameron! I would be seriously sad. But, thankfully, I’d still have some friends down here. That’s the good thing about not being biased and having only one type of friend. You can always have a variety of different friends for a variety of situations, eg. parties, concerts, the Rapture…

I just always wonder: does anyone ever feel stupid after we’re not Raptured? Are we supposed to? I mean, I guess not. We’re supposed to always be prepared and ever vigilant. But, what happens when the people who are predicting 2011 are wrong? Or, is this just a ploy for everyone to get a day off work? I’m just curious.

I have a lot of questions for God, too…which I’m sure most everyone does. I am curious about His stance on marijuana, since He made it, and I enjoy it so much.

How does a cat purr? That’s SO COOL, and I just want to see it happen!

I knew there was cake in Heaven

Can I have like some kind of supernatural camera while I’m here, and can He make me awesome at photography? And, writing? And, playing the violin?

What’s the deal with the past eleven years? Was He just screwing with me, or did this all have a point?

Wait! I forgot to put on underpants!

Can I, like, NOT have depression anymore? I’d like to have a good bit of my old, fun, vibrant self, with less of the anxious, screechy head stuff going on. And, obviously, not so fat. Omg, and can He PLEASE fix my knee, my back and my neck???

And, WHERE’S MY MAMA?!??!

Are there going to be people up there who surprise us? I think so. I have a large heart and a lot of hope for people who say they don’t believe. I hate to think that just because they’re unsure, they’re going to be turned away. I want to be on the counseling team for THOSE guys who finally get to see that there’s a GOD. That would be totally rad. &=D “Sooooo, surprised you, eh?”

Oooo, I want to be on the hugging committee!!! YES! Oh yeah. That’s totally my job. I want to hug people when they get there. And, Jackie, too, because he’s always acting like my little Walmart greeter at the dog park. That boy LOVES welcoming n00bs.

Ohhhh, I hope we get to have books up there. I’ve been meaning to get some reading and cross-stitch in, but I’ve been too lazy. But, if I’m all better, then I’ll want to do everything! That would be awesome. It would be like me NOW, only I’ll actually finally possess the energy and will to do everything again! Sweet!

Yeah. Long shot, I know. I never thought I’d be so excited about death. But, after getting that letter in the mail today about having abnormal pap results, I guess I’m hoping for a something a little less painful.

Rapture in two days?

Bring it on.